Why We Need to Reconsider Our Parenting Approach
- PastorMark
- Dec 31, 2024
- 9 min read
Updated: Jan 6
“Here’s Your Show While I Work on… The True Long-Term Costs of the Digital Babysitter”

It has been fascinating to watch my friends evolve from “man-children” to actual fathers of kids. In the past decade, I’ve been spending more time around families and it’s eye-opening to see how different households handle things like technology, discipline, and even parenting in general. As many of my friends are aware of the concerns around screen time, I’ve noticed something striking among families when Kristin and I are out at dinner together.
When kids get bored and start acting out, the solution a lot of parents is simple: pass them a phone.
In these moments, it’s common for the adults to try and have a conversation while a child is zoned out, glued to a device. But what’s REALLY interesting is watching a two- or three-year-old expertly skip ads on YouTube. These kids understand the difference between an ad and the button to skip it. I mean, at that age, they’re practically already trained in the capitalist system. (An observation made by Jonathan Haidt).
This is a glimpse into how technology shapes their engagement with the world. Imagine if, instead of YouTube, we allowed corporations to create direct, unfiltered access to our kids. If someone suggested installing a window in your child’s crib for advertisers to peer in and speak to them, you’d probably be horrified. Yet, that’s essentially what’s happening when we hand our kids devices loaded with targeted ads. And when they eventually get on social media, they’re further exposed to strangers trying to sell them things or, worse, persuade them to meet in person.
It’s a bit like the days when we gave kids opiates or alcohol to calm them down without fully understanding the consequences. Today, we’ve swapped those substances for screens—again, with little understanding of the long-term effects. Consider how you’ve seen very small children reaching for a parent’s iPhone and saying, “iPhone, iPhone.” In the early days of parenting, we all thought tech was magical. We thought letting kids use a cell phone or being entranced by a screen would even boost their brain development and help them become “digital natives.” But looking back, we were just anesthetizing them—tuning them out instead of giving them the tools to engage with the world around them.
How Parenting Has Changed
Let’s zoom out for a second and talk about how parenting has changed over the years. As life became safer and families smaller, parenting has moved from being more structured and disciplined to a gentler, more permissive approach. There may actually be no clearer cultural divide between what we may call conservative and progressive values.
Conservatives often lean toward a more structured, “no-nonsense” approach to parenting, while progressives tend to emphasize gentleness and empathy. For instance, practices like spanking, which were once common when I was a child, have largely fallen out of favor, especially in more “educated” circles today. While the move away from corporal punishment can be seen as progress in some ways, it’s important to recognize that this shift has sometimes left children without a strong foundation for boundaries and discipline.
From a biblical standpoint, Scripture teaches the importance of loving discipline and the role of parents in guiding their children with wisdom and instruction (Proverbs 22:6, Hebrews 12:11). By softening the structure, we may unintentionally overlook these God-given principles that help our children grow in both character and faith.
One of the outcomes of this shift is the rise of “gentle parenting,” which often involves reasoning with children instead of setting firm limits.
For instance, instead of saying,
“No, you cannot hit your sister,”
While a gentle parent might ask:
“Was that a wise choice?”
While this approach comes from a good place, it could explain why we’ve seen a sharp rise in mental health challenges among children in more progressive households. Research shows that kids of the more progressive parenting, especially girls, have experienced the most significant decline in mental health since the rise of social media in 2011. In contrast, religious or conservative families—who tend to have stronger family rituals and ties, like going to church or observing the Sabbath—have shown fewer mental health challenges during this time.
Anti-WHAT?
This brings us to an important concept Jonathan Haidt calls: antifragility. Just like muscles need stress to grow stronger, kids need challenges to build resilience. When we shield our children from all discomfort or adversity, we weaken their ability to handle the tough stuff life throws at them. Kids need to experience minor injustices and setbacks. If parents are always intervening to make things “fair,” we’re not preparing our kids to navigate the real world. It’s like hiring two college graduates: one who’s learned to handle failure and one who hasn’t. Which one would you choose?
By trying to smooth over every challenge or discomfort, we’re actually doing our kids a disservice. We’re raising them in a bubble that doesn’t prepare them for the complexities of adulthood. And now we’re seeing it in how they engage with the world when they reach young adulthood—we have realized that many of them aren’t ready for the real-world challenges that await.
Now, let’s be clear: this doesn’t mean we need to start our kids off with a super strict, authoritarian approach. What kids especially need in their early years—kindergarten through first grade—is more play, not less. Play is how they learn to navigate the world. We need to ease up on the pressure and cut back on heavy academics during these formative years.
In a nutshell, we need to rethink how we’re raising our kids in this digital age. It’s not about banning screens or being overly strict; it’s about creating a balance where kids are still given the space to grow through challenges, both big and small. It’s about understanding that their resilience, mental health, and ability to thrive in the world will depend on the lessons we teach them today.
So, as you navigate the parenting waters, ask yourself: Are we truly preparing our kids for the real world, or are we just making things easier for ourselves in the short term? It’s time we had a serious conversation about the future we want for our children—and how to get there.
Here’s the “NOW WHAT?”
So here’s what it comes down to: our kids need real-life connections, time to play, and proper rest. These things are what help them thrive. But with screens everywhere, it’s easy to forget that. And while we can’t completely cut them off from technology, we can definitely guide them toward a healthier balance.
When kids are spending 9 to 11 hours a day glued to screens—whether it’s phones, tablets, tv, or video games—they’re missing out on things that are so important for their growth: hanging out with friends, face-to-face interaction, real play, sleep, and the ability to focus. All these distractions are not just breaking up their attention, they’re stealing away those key moments that shape them into healthy, balanced individuals. What’s CRZY is, we instinctually know this to be true, we’re just not sure how to go about making a change.
So, what can we do about it?
Here are some simple steps:
1. Create Screen-Free Zones: Make certain areas in your home—like the dinner table or bedrooms—off-limits for screens. This helps encourage more face-to-face time and better sleep. No kidding, we've done this in our home and it works.
2. Set Time Limits: Set some clear screen time rules. A good mix of schoolwork, social time, and recreation is key, and it helps keep them from getting stuck in a passive, endless scroll or game cycle. This is a tug of war worth fighting, believe me.
3. Encourage Active Play: Get outside as a family—whether it’s hiking, biking, or playing a game in the backyard. Physical activity isn’t just good for their body, it also nurtures creativity, teamwork, and the problem-solving skills they need to handle life’s challenges. This also doesn't necesarily include the obsessive nature of currrent HS athletics. Teaching our kids that their value comes from ther ability to perform on the court/field isn't what they were when we played.
4. Foster In-Person Friendships: While video games and online chats are fun, encourage them to meet up with friends in person as much as possible. Those face-to-face interactions are where true friendships are built.
5. Model Healthy Technology Habits: As parents, we need to set the example. Put down your phone, cut back on screen time, and show your kids how to create healthy boundaries with tech.
6. Make Sleep a Priority: Stick to a consistent bedtime, and make sure screens are put away long before they hit the pillow. Sleep is non-negotiable when it comes to their health and well-being.
7. Keep the Conversation Open: Talk about technology with your kids. Let them know why it’s important to balance their time online with the real world. Be their guide, not just their rule enforcer.
At the end of the day, the digital age doesn’t have to steal away our kids’ potential. By being intentional about how we engage with screens and focusing on what really matters—relationships, play, rest, and real attention—we can help them grow into the best version of themselves. It’s time to reclaim the moments that really count. Let’s help our kids truly live in the world around them.
Here is a 6 Day Devotional centerd around the above blogpost:
Parenting in the Digital Age
Main Idea: How can parents balance the convenience of technology with the biblical call to nurture, discipline, and guide their children?
1. Foundation of Parenting: Training with Love and Wisdom
Scripture: Proverbs 22:6 – "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Theme: The role of parents as God-ordained guides in their children’s lives.
Discussion Questions:
What does “training up a child” look like in today’s context?
How might relying on screens interfere with this biblical mandate?
What are some modern-day challenges that make this principle harder to apply?
Application:
Reflect on one area where your family could realign with the biblical model of training.
Commit to one screen-free activity as a family this week to foster connection and intentional guidance.
2. Resilience Through Challenge: Antifragility and Discipline
Scripture: Hebrews 12:11 – "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Theme: God’s discipline as a model for parenting with love and boundaries.
Discussion Questions:
How does the concept of “antifragility” align with the idea of discipline in this passage?
What are some ways modern parenting might unintentionally shield children from necessary challenges?
How can discipline be applied in a loving yet firm way in a tech-saturated world?
Application:
Identify one area where your child can be allowed to face challenges to build resilience.
Pray as a family for wisdom to guide and discipline with love and grace.
3. The Dangers of Overreliance on Technology
Scripture: Romans 12:2 – "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Theme: Avoiding the passive conformity of a screen-driven culture.
Discussion Questions:
In what ways does excessive screen time conform us or our children to the patterns of this world?
How can families actively “renew their minds” and focus on what matters most?
What steps can parents take to teach children discernment in their media consumption?
Application:
Create a family media plan that includes intentional screen use and regular screen-free times.
Memorize Romans 12:2 as a family to guide decision-making about technology.
4. The Importance of Rest and Play
Scripture: Mark 6:31 – "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while."
Theme: Rest and play as vital components of a balanced life.
Discussion Questions:
Why is rest often overlooked in our busy, tech-filled lives?
How can creating space for play and rest benefit both children and parents?
What biblical principles support the idea of “unplugging” and finding rest in God?
Application:
Plan a weekly family Sabbath with no screens, focusing on rest, play, and spiritual renewal.
Incorporate more outdoor, tech-free activities as a family.
5. Building Strong Relationships
Scripture: Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – "These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children..."
Theme: The power of intentional, face-to-face relationships.
Discussion Questions:
How does technology impact the quality of relationships within your family?
What does it mean to “diligently teach” your children in today’s culture?
How can family rituals and traditions help counteract the distractions of technology?
Application:
Commit to a weekly family devotional or dinner with no screens to foster conversation.
Identify one way to teach biblical truths in everyday moments with your children.
6. Cultivating Healthy Habits
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:23 – "All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up."
Theme: Teaching discernment in the use of technology.
Discussion Questions:
How can parents teach their children to distinguish between what is permissible and what is beneficial?
What habits can families establish to ensure technology builds up rather than tears down?
How can parents model healthy boundaries with their own screen use?
Application:
Discuss as a family what habits might need to change for a healthier balance with technology.
Set one tech-free hour each evening for family interaction.
Closing Challenge
Scripture: Joshua 24:15 – "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
Action Step:Reflect on how your family can intentionally serve the Lord in your parenting and use of technology. Pray together, asking God for wisdom, strength, and creativity as you navigate the digital age.
This Bible study encourages families to reflect on their parenting approach in light of biblical principles while addressing the challenges of modern technology.
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