The Doorway: Helping Our Kids Discover Who God Created Them to Be

The above lyrics are from a song I wrote called “Doorway.”

Funny thing is, it is a song that I honestly never expected to write. Not because the story wasn’t there. The story had been there for years. I just had never taken the time to put words to it.

Recently, I have discovered how healing it can be to write. Whether it is journaling my thoughts, writing spoken word pieces, or creating songs that may never see the light of day, there is something powerful about taking the things we have carried silently and putting them into words.

Sometimes we don’t realize how much "stuff" we have carried until we finally set it down on paper. As I started writing, I realized something. I had been carrying far more than I ever knew. I had carried moments from childhood, the feeling of being different. I had carried questions I never really knew how to answer.

"Why me?"

"Why did God allow this?"

"Why did I have to walk through something that made me stand out?"

"Why am I so addicted to sugar?"  Haha. I used to go buy 3 long john donuts and eat them in one sitting.

Growing up with Tourette’s was not easy.

And I want to be careful here because I am incredibly thankful for how God has worked through my life. I do not want to tell this story as though my childhood was only pain.

My parents did an amazing job raising me, they loved me, in many ways they were supportiveof me. They walked through things with me that they probably never expected when they became parents. And I’m sure I gave them plenty of opportunities to grow in patience and grace along the way!

But there were still moments where I struggled and where I wondered if God had made a mistake. Moments where I believed the enemy’s lies louder than I believed God’s truth.  Even times when I thought my Tourette’s was a curse.

Sometimes, I wondered if God was punishing me.I wondered why He would allow something in my life that made me feel different from everyone else.

And if I am being honest, there were seasons where those thoughts became incredibly heavy. Heavy enough that I began believing my struggle was bigger than God’s purpose for my life.

Heavy enough that I wondered where I fit and I struggled to see the value God had placed inside of me. But here is what I know now that I didn’t understand then: 

God was not trying to remove something from my life.

He was trying to reveal something through my life. The thing I thought was my greatest weakness became one of the greatest ways God taught me dependence on Him.  The thing I thought would limit me became the thing God used to develop compassion, understanding, and a heart for people who feel unseen.

God was not surprised by my struggles. He was not frustrated by my differences. He wasn’t  looking at me thinking, “If only you were more normal.” Because God does not make mistakes.

God creates with intentionality.

And what I once saw as a limitation, God began using as an invitation. An invitation to trust Him  and to depend on Him. An invitation to discover that my identity was never found in what people thought about me.

My identity was found in what God said about me.  Because our children are constantly being told a story about who they are.

The world has a story.Their friends have a story.Social media has a story.Their struggles have a story. And if we are not intentional, our children can begin believing a story about themselves that was never written by their Creator.

Parents, your job is not to make your children become what the world says they should be. It is our job is to help our children discover who God created them to be. Those are two very different things.

The world has a picture of “normal” and a picture of success. The world tells our kids they need to look a certain way, perform a certain way, learn a certain way, communicate a certain way, and fit into a certain mold.

But God has never been interested in making copies. God creates individuals. Unique. Purposeful. Designed. Our children do not need us to spend all our energy trying to erase the things that make them different. They need us to help them discover how God wants to use the things that make them different.

Parents, do not let the world convince you that your child’s differences are something that need to be hidden One of the greatest lies we can believe is that every child is supposed to fit into the same mold.

God has never worked that way, this is something you can see all throughout Scripture.

Moses.

David.

Jeremiah.

Peter.

Paul.

So as parents, we help them to understand themselves and to discover their strengths and to help them find environments where their gifts can flourish, to help them see that God has a purpose for their life.

One of the greatest gifts my wife, Kristin, has given our children is helping them understand who they are. She has always been intentional about seeing the gifts God placed inside of them, encouraging them, and reminding them that they are not defined by their struggles.

They are defined by their Creator. That matters.

Because there will be moments when our kids cannot see what God is doing and when they only see what makes them different, and moments when they feel like they do not belong.

And that is when they need parents who will speak truth over them. They need someone willing to say:

“I see you.”“I believe in you.”“God created you with purpose.”“You are not a problem to solve. You are a person to love.”

I wish I could go back and sit beside that little boy walking down the hallway with his hands buried in his coat. I wish I could tell him that one day he would stop trying to hide those hands and use them to point people to Jesus. I wish I could tell him that God wasn’t punishing him.

God was preparing him.

I wish I could tell him that the thing he thought disqualified him would become one of the greatest testimonies of God’s faithfulness in his life. But I can’t go back and tell him. What I can do is tell other parents.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in 2 Corinthians 12. The Apostle Paul pleaded with God to remove the thorn in his flesh.  Three times he asked. Three times God said no. Instead, God answered him with these words:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

For years, I prayed that God would take away what made me different.

Looking back, I’m grateful He didn’t. If He had removed every struggle, I may never have learned to depend on Him the way I have.

The weakness I wanted Him to erase became the place where His strength became most visible. I still don’t love having Tourette’s. But I love what God has done through it.  And that’s what I hope every parent understands.

Sometimes the very thing we ask God to remove from our children is the very thing He intends to redeem.

Now, let me be clear. This does not mean we ignore struggles. It does not mean we avoid seeking help. It does not mean we tell a child who is hurting, “Just have more faith.”

God has given us incredible resources through doctors, counselors, therapists, educators, and communities that help our children thrive. Seeking help is not a lack of faith.  Often, it is one of the ways God provides.

But while we are asking God to help our children, we also need to ask Him to show us what He wants to grow in them—and in us. Because our role as parents is not simply to help our children manage life.

Our role is to help them discover their God-given purpose. So how do we do that? Here are five ways I believe we can help our children discover who God created them to be.

Here are five ways I believe we can do that.

1. Help your child understand themselves.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is helping them understand how God wired them.

I spent years trying to understand why I couldn't stop my tics. Because I didn't understand what was happening, I filled in the blanks with lies. I wondered if God was punishing me. I wondered if I had done something wrong. I wondered if I was broken.

Children will always create explanations when they don't have answers.  As parents, we have the privilege of replacing fear with truth.

Learn with your child. Ask questions together. Read. Listen. Help them understand both their challenges and their strengths. The more they understand how God uniquely created them, the less likely they are to define themselves by shame.

Organizations like Understood provide excellent, practical resources to help parents understand how children with ADHD, dyslexia, autism, Tourette syndrome, and other learning differences experience the world. The CDC also offers helpful guidance for families navigating developmental differences.

2. Speak identity more often than performance.

Our children hear enough messages about grades, athletic ability, appearance, popularity, and achievement.

They desperately need to hear things like:   (There were mentioned above)"I love how God made you.""I see kindness in you.""God has given you gifts that this world needs.""I love you because you're my child—not because of what you accomplish."

If the loudest voice in their life is the voice of grace, they'll be less likely to believe the voice of shame.

3. Help them discover their strengths—not just manage their struggles.

It's easy to spend all of our energy trying to fix what is difficult. But every child has gifts. Some notice details everyone else misses. Some have incredible compassion. Some think creatively. Some are gifted builders, musicians, artists, organizers, encouragers, or problem-solvers.

Yes, help your children overcome obstacles. But don't become so focused on their weaknesses that you forget to cultivate their strengths.  God rarely wastes the gifts He gives.

4. Teach them that their identity is found in Christ—not in a diagnosis.

A diagnosis can explain challenges. It should never define a person. Tourette's explained some of my experiences. It never determined my worth. Whether your child has Tourette syndrome, ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or another diagnosis, those words describe part of their journey—not the totality of who they are.

Their truest identity is that they are created in the image of God, loved by Christ, and called for His purposes.  That identity can never be taken away.

5. Help them find where they can flourish.

This one has become especially important to me. Every child longs to know they matter. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is helping them discover where their God-given abilities meet a real need in the world.

Maybe that's through a career. Maybe it's serving in the church. Maybe it's creating, building, teaching, fixing, encouraging, leading, or simply loving people well. Don't spend all your energy trying to make your child fit into someone else's mold.

Help them discover the unique place God has prepared for them.  I've watched this unfold in our own family. Seeing one of our children find meaningful work where their gifts are appreciated has reminded me that purpose is far more important than simply fitting in.

Success isn't becoming like everyone else. Success is becoming the person God created you to be and using those gifts to love Him and serve others.

Parents, the world will spend plenty of time telling your children where they don't fit. Let's be the ones who help them discover where they do. Because our goal is not to help our children become what the world calls "normal."  Our goal is to help them faithfully become who God created them to be.